How to avoid unkind words on getting into an argument

Sunil,27th December 2011

Please accept my humble obeisances

All Glories to Srila Prabhupada

I request you to answer this question :

If a person gets into an arguement and there is rush of adrenaline and therefore there is chance of talking wrongly and rudely or mentally hurting then how can one on the spot as an emergency measure prevent such wrong or unkind words?

Regards,

Sunil

Mahabhagavat Das SDA,28th December 2011

Dear Bhakta Sunil,

Hare Krishna!

Please accept my humble obeisances.

All glories to Srila Gurudeva.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

Very nice question, very practical also. It shows that you are really trying your best.

This question is very similar to the question asked by Sri Arjuna to Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita. Arjuna asked:

arjuna uvāca

atha kena prayukto ‘yaḿ

pāpaḿ carati pūruṣaḥ

anicchann api vārṣṇeya

balād iva niyojitaḥ

“Arjuna said: O descendant of Vṛṣṇi, by what is one impelled to sinful acts, even unwillingly, as if engaged by force?” BG 3.36.

And Krishna answers:

śrī-bhagavān uvāca

kāma eṣa krodha eṣa

rajo-guṇa-samudbhavaḥ

mahāśano mahā-pāpmā

viddhy enam iha vairiṇam

“The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: It is lust only, Arjuna, which is born of contact with the material mode of passion and later transformed into wrath, and which is the all-devouring sinful enemy of this world.” BG 3.37

So, note that the key point is that lust comes in contact with material mode of passion, which gets transformed to anger.

Lust means the desire to enjoy our own senses separately from Krishna

In another instance, Arjuna asked:

cañcalaḿ hi manaḥ kṛṣṇa

pramāthi balavad dṛḍham

tasyāhaḿ nigrahaḿ manye

vāyor iva su-duṣkaram

“For the mind is restless, turbulent, obstinate and very strong, O Krishna, and to subdue it, I think, is more difficult than controlling the wind.” BG 6.34

Krishna answers this question as follows:

śrī-bhagavān uvāca

asaḿśayaḿ mahā-bāho

mano durnigrahaḿ calam

abhyāsena tu kaunteya

vairāgyeṇa ca gṛhyate

“Lord Śrī Kṛṣṇa said: O mighty-armed son of Kuntī, it is undoubtedly very difficult to curb the restless mind, but it is possible by suitable practice and by detachment.” BG 6.35

Note that in this verse, Krishna stresses practice, and detachment.

So now, you have, in your question, already recognized that it is the head-rush of the adrenaline, not you, not the spirit soul, but the modes of material nature acting. So, congratulations, the first steps have already been taken by you.

How to overcome these effects though? By taking only Krishna Prasadam (controls the tongue – if we eat food cooked by materialists, then automatically we become lusty for sense gratification – this release of anger is also a form of sense gratification especially if not in connection with devotional service), strictly following the regulative principles (practice, detachment), and by chanting one’s minimum 16 rounds (sadhana, practice) before any other interaction of the day – in other words, please beg the spiritual master for mercy, and by chanting Hare Krishna, beg Sri Sri Radha and Krishna for Their mercy.

Will this guarantee that you won’t lose it? Does the fast-moving ceiling fan stop moving immediately after you switch it off? Does it not rotate a few more times? So in this way, if you are strict about Sadhana and following a Krishna conscious lifestyle, then the modes of material nature will have less and less of a grip on you, and eventually, if you just simply follow the process, you will become a pure devotee, guaranteed. I have my spiritual master’s word on this.

Try this sincerely.

Your servant,

Mahabhagavat Das

Tushar Vora,29th December 2011

Wonderful answer! Mahabhagavat Prabhu

I wish I could express like you.

Haripriya,29th December 2011

Hare Krsna devotees,

In this connection, I just want to share a quote from His Holiness Bhakthi Thirta Swami Maharaj which might often help at heated situations.

“Not forgiving someone is like holding a bunch of hot coals in your hand and waiting for an oppportunity to throw it at that person, but look how you burnt your own hand in that process” -Bhakthi Thirta Swami

Your servant,

Haripriya S

Premal,28th December 2011

Hare Krishna Prabhuji

All glories to Swami Prabhupada

Please accept my humble obeisances

Prabhuji a devotee of Radha Krishna loves Never Hates.

So unpleaseant and rude words may be spoken to the body but never Soul and Supersoul residing in the region of heart.

Ys servant

Premal

Tirtharaja Dasa,29th December 2011

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

Angry and hurting words spew out of an injured ego. Once we get into an ego trip we assume the role of isvara and do not want to be questioned or challenged in any aspect. Ignorance is also another contributer and contemplating these thoughts, words and being attached to them sets the stage for their propagation. So please prabhu just take to this process of sankirtan yajna and surrender to a bonafide spiritual master and you shall be home and dry. The most practical way though is to pause take a several deep breaths while chanting the maha mantra. Thus our mind will be engaged into the maha mantra gear before we open a foul mouth like Shishupal.

Your Servant,

Tirtharaja Dasa.

Priyesh Shah,29th December 2011

Hare Krishna,

Please Accept My Humble Obeisances,

All Glories to Srila Prabhupada,

This is a little story that I had once heard and tends to help me sometimes:

There was once a boy who had a very bad temper and would get angry at almost anything. His father didn’t know how to solve the problem. Once he gave the boy a wooden plank, hammer and some nails. He asked him to hammer the nails into the plank every time he got angry, and so he did that. Eventually, he realised that it is better to not get angry than to put a nail through the plank every time. Then his father asked him to remove one nail for everyday he did not get angry. When all the nails had come out, the father told him that every time some one gets angry, it is as good as putting a nail through the other persons heart, and those wounds can not be healed easily just like the way the nails have left the holes in the plank even after removing them. As a friend once told me that the words are like arrows, and once released, cannot be taken back.

My brother has a very high temper and he was also warned by Bhanu Swami Maharaj to keep the anger under control, otherwise he can hurt someone with it. With practice, he managed to get it under control and anytime he gets angry, he just tries to stay quiet and tries to remember Krishna instead. We should always try and remember that the Lord resides in every one’s heart as the Supersoul, and in this way, with Lord’s Mercy, we can curb the anger.

I hope this helps in any way,

Your Servant,

Priyesh

Sunil,29th December 2011

Hare Krishna Prabhujis and to all Members

All members please accept my humble obeisances

All Glories to Srila Prabhupada

Thanks a lot for so many answers and thoughts that could be used to avoid unkind words on getting into an arguement

I am 100 % sure that your answers and thoughts will help me

Regards

Sunil

Ayappan R,29th December 2011

Please accept my humble obeisances

All Glories to Srila Prabhupada

When in anger take an extra second. The intensity drops multiple times every second. Avoiding a second of anger saves years of sorrow.

Also think of this – when you are in anger thousands of poisonous chemicals are generated within the body. Recipe for disaster!

If one can, be happy when someone makes (tries to – no one can make you angry without your permission) you angry, because our prarabdha karma is getting consumed.

Anger can also be made into a positive energy with a little prayer for the other person to make him more sane. If we reach this stage , its a wow moment of life.

Wishing u all a great 2012.

Regards

Ayappan Ramamurthy

Harish,30th December

Thanks Prabhu ji for such an awesome and inspiring answer

regards

Tushar Vora,29th December 2011

Chant the Mahamantra!

(Conversation compiled by Sunil Vaswani)

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